Star Wars The Last Jedi, the movie we all love… the movie most of loved… the movie that I loved, and it wouldn’t be the Internet if instead of focusing on something I really enjoyed for more than 5 minutes, I started talking about a sequel that’s 2 years away. Before I begin, I think it’s important to remember that anyone that’s written an article similar to mine is just as full of crap as I am. None of us actually know what’s coming next and honestly that’s the fun part of all of this. We’re all taking a shot in the dark and then in 2020 one of is going to look so smart, and if you’ve read my Death Stranding theory article, you know I’m great at predicting these things… oh and spoilers, obviously.

Theory One: The Boring One

When The Last Jedi ends, all of our main characters are neatly put into one of two places. For this theory though, we really only need to focus on our two main characters, Rey and Kylo. Rey has finally joined back up with the resistance, meaning she and… well, I’ll address that in a moment, but the point is she’s with the resistance and she can now start to move towards her ultimate goal of eliminating the first order. For Kylo, he’s now, to no one’s surprise (I mean, who didn’t see that coming?), the leader of the First Order after killing Lord Snoke, and obviously The First Order wants to wipeout the resistance. So, now that we know where are two main characters are and what their overall goals are, what does this mean for Episode 9?

Well, I did say this is the boring theory so the very simple answer is, it means at the end of Episode 9, Rey and Kylo Ren will have an epic battle to the death to determine the fate of the galaxy, and even though Kylo Ren is the most interesting character in perhaps Star Wars’ entire cinematic history, I say cinematic because I’m sure there’s some book out there where there’s a Wookie Jedi with a pet Sea-horse that he rides into battle, BUT… in terms of the movies, Kylo Ren is the most interesting character, and more than likely he’ll just die in a light saber fight. I bet it even happens in that red room from the The Last Jedi. The room where Rey and Kylo were both met with choices of what their destiny should be and in that room, they will learn if they made the right choice.

What about the other characters? Well, unfortunately Carrie Fisher passed away and because I have full faith that Disney will not put CGI Carrie Fisher in this movie, I think Episode 9 will start with the funeral of Princess Leia, and I think following the funeral we’ll see Poe Dameron be promoted to General. The Last Jedi really focused on this character making decisions off of emotion and every time he did, it ended in disaster. I really do think Episode 9 will show Dameron’s character going from the “hot-headed flyboy”, to the strong leader of the resistance that will lead his crew to victory against the First Order’s military… probably on a new planet featuring memorable aliens that will cause the fans of the series to be split down the middle on how they feel about them.

What’s that? Oh I’m just repeating all the story beats of Return of The Jedi? Interesting… well, that’s because, while I loved The Last Jedi, it did make some of the mistakes that Empire Strikes Back made. The big one being the character they kept alive. If you don’t know, Harrison Ford thought Han Solo should have died at the end of Empire Strikes Back, and you know what? He was right. In Return of The Jedi, Han Solo has nothing to do. He’s a blind, bumbling idiot in the first half and in the second half he’s on a planet helping teddy bears fight storm troopers. If that character had died in the previous movie, it would have forced the writers to go into a different direction with Jedi, and unfortunately, I’m worried we may see the same thing with Episode 9 when it comes to Finn’s character.

I absolutely love Finn. He easily makes my top 5 Star Wars characters list, but not letting that character die at the end of Last Jedi felt like a huge mistake. Heading into episode 9, the question has to be, how does Finn become anything other than a background character for the finale of this series? What’s he going to do? Is there another First Order ship out there that he’s cleaned that will allow him to sneak onto and do sneaky stuff? Killing Finn off would have also given one the Last Jedi’s newest characters, Rose an even more interesting character arche. Rose did have the motivation of her sister’s death to help her stay brave, but the death of Finn could have been something that the character could have used to become not only brave, but strong, maybe even fearless. We could have seen a story where Rose and Poe actually clash because Rose is now the hot head making rash decisions seeking revenge for the person she cared about, while Poe is attempting to be the rational leader that he feels he needs to be.

So what will happen to Finn and Rose? Well, like I said, I worry about them becoming background characters that are forced into the story, just to make fans happy. There’s also the question of what is Finn and Rey’s relationship? Are they just friends or is there a relationship there to be had, if these two could just find a quiet place to get to know each other? If there is more than just friendship between these two… well let’s just say that in the finale of an epic story involving space wizards where the fate of an entire galaxy hangs in the balance, I just don’t think having a love triangle shoved in, would really make the story any better.

So that was the boring theory. Rey and Kylo have a sword fight to the death while Poe, Finn, and Rose fight alongside Maz Kanata and friends to take down General Hux and his First Order army. I wouldn’t be shocked if Benicio Del Toro’s character returns to help save the day just as it looks like our heroes are doomed. I mean, he did betray everyone in The Last Jedi. It would only make sense if he returned and helped them out… like a certain other character we know and love from The Empire Strikes Back and Return of The Jedi.

Theory Two: This One Will TOTALLY Happen

Alright folks, grab a cold can of Colt 45, and get ready because I’m flying by the seat of my pants on this one… What I meant to say was, I have a well crafted fan theory on where I think the next movie should go and would be even better for it. Move over Rian Johnson, time for me to show you how do it ever better.

All we ever hear the Jedi say is, “strike me down in anger and I’ll become even stronger in death.” Oh yeah!? Other than ghost Yoda burning down a tree by using sky lightning, which is totally different from hand lightning, we’ve never seen ghost Jedi do something powerful ever. Oh you’re even stronger in death, how about you help out? Is there a rule somewhere that says a ghost Jedi can only help out if someone asks nicely?

Well, I think this is the movie where someone asks nicely. That’s right folks, I think we’re getting ghosts Jedi fighting Ghost Sith. Why else would they put ghost Yoda in The Last Jedi? It was clearly to reintroduce the idea of force ghosts and that when someone dies, they don’t really die. That is the reason Yoda’s in the movie, right?

Anyways, what if I told you that not only are we going to see Kylo and Rey not fight to the death against one another, but they’re in fact going to, once again, fight alongside one another. This time with some help. In Force Awakens, it’s mentioned that Kylo has a crew, The Knights of Ren. Where are they? What have they been doing? Well, my fake source told me that Episode 9 takes place on a Saturday, and last time I checked, Saturdays are for the boys. That’s right, the boys are back in town and they’re going to be teaming up with Kylo to help take down Rey and her crew… her crew?

The final shot of Last Jedi shows us a little boy grab a broom by using force powers. Is this little boy going to be in Episode 9? Is he the final piece of the puzzle that will bring true balance to the force? No. He has a dumb name. Temiri Blagg is not a name you give a character that’s destined to save the day. Obviously theory 2 is theory 2 for a reason, but I do honestly think the little boy does represent something important. Rian Johnson has come out and said that there really was no plan for what was next after the Force Awakens. It’s why he was allowed to write both episode 8 and 9. It’s my belief that Johnson took the title of episode 7 and made it literal. The force awakens, not just in Rey, but in Luke and in characters we’ve yet to meet all around the galaxy.

So, depending on how much time has passed between episode 8 and 9, I think we could see Ray and her crew, a group of young force sensitive warriors, preparing for battle against Kylo and his crew. They’ll be in that cool looking red room walking towards each other snapping their fingers with every step and then right before their sabers touch, ghost Snoke appears. Obviously I don’t want to spoil the entire movie for you since I’m 96% positive this is going to happen, but let’s just say things don’t go well for everyone involved. A few do manage to escape though and by the end of the film, after a cool training montage, Kylo and Rey’s crew are ready to go back into battle, but wait, who trained them? That’s right, none other than ghost Luke. The surviving crew, along with ghost Luke go back to the cool red room, which at this point might be a cool red planet, and fight Snoke. I also think Darth Vader is gonna be involved because they mention him so much in The Force Awakens, but I’m just not sure the world is ready for ghost Vader to fight alongside his ghost son. And I know I didn’t want to spoil anything, but obviously the good guys defeat ghost Snoke. Not without great loss though. This fight scene is gonna jerk some tears.

Well, that’s it for my Star Wars episode 9 th… Oh, what about Poe and the others for Theory 2? There are no other theories for these characters. What I said earlier is happening. Sorry if you don’t like it. Maz Kanata and her group of pirates are absolutely going to join up with the resistance and help fight against the First Order. Maybe the alien pirates will take the place of the Ewoks, and now that I think of it, I bet Benicio Del Toro is one of the pirates. There’s a small conflict between his character and our heroes, he runs off, and then when it looks like everyone is gonna die during the big battle, he shows up and saves the day… yeah, that’s definitely happening now that I’ve said that out loud.

Sorry for spoiling Episode 9 for you, but when you have the knowledge that I posses, it would be selfish of me to not share it with the world…

Just like everyone else on the internet that’s written one of these silly articles, I had a blast(er), and hopefully you did as well. Please, feel free to leave your own episode 9 theories down below in the comments. Clearly no theory is too bold for this website. Can’t wait to hear from you, and don’t forget to come back Friday for the movie review round-up article.